Sing something simple

As my annual summer holiday approaches, silly season is upon us in the UK media. Towards the end of last week we were treated to a list of the most misheard song lyrics. Judging by the number of comments left on the article itself, we mishear things all the time, even though quite how anyone could mishear the actual song title of the Eurythmics hit Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of Cheese) or kd lang's biggest hit, Can't Stand Gravy,  is particularly amusing, since neither of these great songs has ever caused me any problems. I suggest that in the next survey of this kind, the results be split into separate categories, lest we forget all the other food-related examples. Who could forget Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths, as Morrissey sang "Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to mash a beetroot in your head"? Never mind individual items, ABBA went one better in the food stakes by name-checking the whole shop in Super Trouper: "I was sick and tired of everything when I called you last night from Tesco".

There may be a case for compiling a list of misheard lyrics involving animals too, with Irish band The Saw Doctors topping the list with their great track Two Injured Swans. Then, of course, there are all the names of people in songs – people who we never hear of again. "I can see clearly now Lorraine has gone." Johnny Nash's day was brighter, he was happy ... and we were happy for him, though he never told us who this lady was, or how her absence helped. Similarly, it was a friend who alerted me to the mysterious "Lionel", the subject of David Soul's impassioned plea at the end of every chorus of his 1976 million-seller Don't Give Up On Us. I'm sure you have your own examples from hits both old and new!

Some years ago, I discovered that our French neighbours even have a word for this phenomenon of misheard lyrics: yaourt (yoghurt), where the verb to yoghurt describes the act of singing phonetically similar, yet nonsensical versions of popular song lyrics. However, I would probably draw a distinction between non-native speakers of English enthusiastically misinterpreting their favourite anglophone tracks as they find their way through the minefield that is connected speech in English and us native English speakers seemingly content to sing incoherent drivel – sometimes for many years – with no such excuse! Bring back Smash Hits magazine and its songwords, I say!

Have a great summer, everyone! But if you are planning on having your stereo blasting from your car with the windows down as you sing along, do us all a favour and get the lyrics right!